150+ Funny Halloween Puns That’ll Hunt Your Friends with Laughter

Halloween isn’t just about candy comas, fog machines, and arguing whether Hocus Pocus is overrated (it’s not). It’s also prime time for pun-ishing your friends, family, and unsuspecting coworkers with wordplay so cheesy it could curdle witch’s brew. From pumpkin spice-level corny to vampire-sucking-the-life-out-of-you bad, this article is your one-stop haunted hub for every groan-worthy quip you’ll need to dominate October 31st—and the entire month leading up to it.

We’re talking pumpkin puns that’ll make you squash with laughter, witch jokes with more hex appeal than a cursed TikTok filter, ghost gags so transparent you’ll see the punchline coming from the afterlife, and skeleton zingers that are—wait for it—humerus. Whether you’re carving jack-o’-lanterns, dodging trick-or-treaters, or hiding from your responsibilities in a full-body inflatable T-rex costume, these puns are your boo-tiful armor.

🎃 Pumpkin Puns (Because Jack-O’-Lanterns Deserve Love)

What do you call a pumpkin that works at the gym? A jacked-o’-lantern.
Why was the pumpkin bad at secrets? It always spilled its guts.
What’s a pumpkin’s favorite sport? Squash.
Why don’t pumpkins ever fight? They don’t have the guts.
What did the pumpkin say after a compliment? “Gourd to meet you!”
Why did the pumpkin sit alone? It was feeling a little hollow.
What do you call a lazy pumpkin? A pump-kin napper.
How do pumpkins listen to music? On their guardio systems.
What’s a pumpkin’s favorite movie? The Gourd-father.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? To prove it wasn’t chicken.

🧙‍♀️ Witch Puns (Brew-tally Funny)

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch.
Why don’t witches wear flat hats? There’s no point.
What’s a witch’s favorite subject? Spelling.
How do witches keep their hair in place? With scare spray.
Why was the witch kicked off the broom team? She kept flying off the handle.
What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet.
Why do witches love name tags? So they can spell their names right.
What’s a witch’s favorite makeup? Mas-scare-a.
Why did the witch go to therapy? She had too many hex-issues.
What do you call a witch who only eats sand? A crunchy hex.

👻 Ghost Puns (Boo-lieve It or Not)

Why do ghosts go on diets? To keep their ghoul-ish figures.
What’s a ghost’s favorite ride? The roller-ghoster.
Why don’t ghosts lie? You can see right through them.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Shamboo.
Why was the ghost a bad liar? He was transparent.
What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? Boo-berry pie.
Why do ghosts love elevators? It lifts their spirits.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A hoblin’ goblin.
Why don’t ghosts play music in church? They don’t have any organs.
What’s a ghost’s favorite app? Insta-ghoul.

🦇 Vampire Puns (Fang-tastically Bad)

Why don’t vampires have friends? They’re a pain in the neck.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.
Why did the vampire get a job? He wanted to make a killing.
What do you call a vampire who writes music? A bat-on composer.
Why don’t vampires use GPS? They prefer to wing it.
What’s a vampire’s favorite dance? The fang-dango.
Why was the vampire always calm? Nothing got under his skin.
What do vampires read in the morning? The Daily Bleed.
Why don’t vampires play hockey? They’re afraid of the stakes.
What’s a vampire’s favorite dog? A bloodhound.

🧟‍♂️ Zombie Puns (Dead Funny)

Why don’t zombies eat clowns? They taste funny.
What’s a zombie’s favorite weather? Brainstorms.
Why did the zombie go to school? To improve his dead-ucation.
What do you call a zombie comedian? Deadpan.
Why don’t zombies use smartphones? They can’t find the app-etite.
What’s a zombie’s favorite bean? A human bean.
Why was the zombie bad at sports? He kept losing his head.
What do zombies say before a meal? “Lettuce prey.”
Why don’t zombies fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy? A daddy bear.

🍬 Candy & Trick-or-Treat Puns

What’s a ghost’s favorite candy? Boo-ble gum.
Why don’t skeletons eat spicy candy? It goes right through them.
What do you call a witch’s candy store? Sweet Spells.
Why was the candy corn scared? It heard it was going to be eaten alive.
What’s a vampire’s favorite candy? Suckers.
Why don’t mummies eat candy? They’re afraid of unwrapping anything.
What do you call stolen Halloween candy? Hot goods.
Why did the kid bring a ladder to trick-or-treat? To reach high fructose.
What’s a pumpkin’s favorite candy? Pumpkin spice latté-flavored gummies.
Why don’t ghosts eat popcorn? It goes right through them.

🧹 Broom, Cauldron & Spell Puns

Why don’t witches ride brooms when angry? They might fly off the handle.
What do you call a witch’s messy room? A hex-agon.
Why was the cauldron so loud? It was boiling over.
What’s a witch’s favorite workout? Hex-ercise.
Why don’t spells work on smartphones? Too much hex-appeal.
What do you call a magical cat? A purr-mancer.
Why did the spell fail? It wasn’t charmed enough.
What’s a witch’s favorite font? Cauldron Sans.
Why don’t witches use GPS? They prefer hex marks.
What do you call a nervous spell? A hex-iety attack.

I used to be a werewolf, but I’m alright noooooow.
The skeleton didn’t go to prom—he had no body to dance with.
I bought a boat because it was for sail… said no vampire ever.
Why don’t zombies use dating apps? They’re afraid of ghosting.
I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
Why did the jack-o’-lantern fail art school? It couldn’t carve under pressure.

🔥50+ Extra Halloween Puns

What do you call a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.
Why don’t werewolves write books? Too much fur-mentation.
What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghoulier.
Why did the vampire go to art school? To learn how to draw blood.
What do you call a sleeping werewolf? A ware-wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Why don’t mummies have hobbies? They’re too wrapped up.
What’s a ghost’s favorite font? Boo-ld.
Why did the skeleton climb a tree? A dog was after his bones.
What do you call a witch’s iPhone? A hex-Phone.
Why don’t vampires use mirrors? They hate reflections.
What’s a pumpkin’s favorite genre? Gourd-core.
Why was the ghost a bad cheerleader? He had no spirit.
What do you call a nervous vampire? A bat-terfly.
Why don’t skeletons use pens? They prefer pencils (easier to erase mistakes).
What’s a witch’s favorite coffee? Hex-presso.
Why did the zombie fail the test? He had no brain.
What do you call a magical dog? A Labra-cadabra-dor.
Why don’t ghosts play cards? They’re afraid of boo-gers.
What’s a vampire’s favorite boat? A blood vessel.
Why did the broom go to school? To sweep up knowledge.
What do you call a fancy skeleton? Bone vivant.
Why don’t witches play hockey? They keep hex-ing the puck.
What’s a ghost’s favorite pie? Boo-berry.
Why did the monster eat a lamp? He wanted a light snack.
What do you call a werewolf comedian? A howl-arious guy.
Why don’t mummies use smartphones? They’re afraid of unwrapping calls.
What’s a vampire’s favorite flower? Blood rose.
Why did the skeleton go to therapy? He had an identity crisis (nobody).
What do you call a witch’s vacation? A hex-cation.
Why don’t zombies play chess? They keep eating the pawns.
What’s a ghost’s favorite game? Hide and shriek.
Why did the pumpkin go to jail? It was caught squashing.
What do you call a rich witch? Filthy hex-y.
Why don’t skeletons watch horror movies? They have no guts.
What’s a vampire’s favorite snack? Neck-tarine.
Why did the witch stay home? She was broom-sick.
What do you call a magical owl? Hoo-dini.
Why don’t ghosts use elevators? They lift their own spirits.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite snack? Ribs.
Why did the monster start a band? He had the beast mode.
What do you call a polite ghost? A ghoul-mannered spirit.
Why don’t witches wear name tags? They already spell it out.
What’s a pumpkin’s favorite workout? Gourdio.
Why did the vampire get glasses? He couldn’t see the bat.
What do you call a haunted computer? A scream-saver.
Why don’t mummies play music? They can’t unwind the strings.
What’s a ghost’s favorite drink? Ghoul-aid.
Why did the skeleton go to the BBQ? To get another rib.
What do you call a witch’s bad haircut? A hex-ident.
Why don’t zombies eat ghosts? They don’t have the stomach for it.

👻 Final Haunt: Share This or Be Cursed with Bad Puns Forever

There you have it—150+ Halloween puns so bad, they’re good. But wait, the spell isn’t broken yet. Save this page, screenshot it, print it on a pumpkin, laminate it inside a coffin-shaped USB drive—do whatever it takes to survive the spooky season with maximum groans, cackles, and awkward silences at family gatherings. These aren’t just puns; they’re weapons of mass distraction. Deploy them at your Halloween party, text them to your group chat at 3 a.m., or whisper them into your jack-o’-lantern’s hollow soul for extra eerie vibes.